


seared onto my heart;

by tardisofcamelot



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Guilt, M/M, daily dose of badly written angst, i was feeling inspired and this happened? soooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisofcamelot/pseuds/tardisofcamelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>after two long years, thomas finally begins to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	seared onto my heart;

"It's been two years, Thomas. Two years."

He knew. He knew that two years had passed since he pulled the trigger on Newt and left his body lying on the ground; he knew that two years had passed since he admitted his feelings to Newt, and found out that Newt loved him back. 

That day, two years ago, was the last time Thomas ever said a word to anyone.

It felt like it was only yesterday. The memories were still _there_  in his mind, playing over and over while he stared into nothingness and even following him into his slumber. The images and the sounds and the sensations still pulsed through his veins. Newt was seared onto his heart. And Thomas was fine with that. 

But it also felt like forever. The days dragged on without Newt's presence -- without Newt to make him really  _feel_ anything. 

 _This is what Newt must have felt_ , Thomas would think every day. 

Thomas would wake up from his nightmares (of Newt. Of course they would be of him.) and let his emotions sway him. He would stay on his bed- alone- sometimes lying down and closing his eyes, or with his head tucked behind his crossed knees. He would mutter  _it's my fault. All my fault. I did this to him. I deserve this, because I killed him. Oh god, I killed Newt._

Sometimes he wished he would never wake up on his bed again, just so he could see Newt once more.

The guilt and misery was gnawing away at what was left of him, and Thomas just let it stay that way.

When he stepped into Paradise, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. Not from joy or awe, but from the sadness that made a home inside him.

Yes, there were times he felt bad for being so selfish, for letting his friends down by avoiding them, but he couldn't help it. It was like when he tried to tell Newt what he really wanted to say, but wasn't able to. 

He knew that Newt didn't want _this_ , though. The last thing Newt would have wanted was for Thomas to linger on the past, and Thomas was aware of that. Newt always made sure to tell him that in his dreams.

_Please say something, Tommy. Please. You don't have to keep on going like this, you know that. I'll be here, I always will be._

"I know, Minho," he finally croaks out. 

His voice was weak; he never did more than mutter or whisper when he was alone, but it was enough for now.

It was a start.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was just a little something i made while pretending to sleep. i was feeling inspired and angsty so this is what you get hohoho  
> as always, feedback is appreciated!  
> thank you for reading ♡♡


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